The Value Of Joy And Ways Of The Moon, Venus And Jupiter
Intimate relationships often spiral out of control due to unresolved trauma and triggers that push us into past wounds we never healed. Many of us are taught in childhood, then year by year, relationship by relationship, that it is an unreachable ideal to find joy and laughter with another human being, without paying a painful price of abandonment, loss, and hurt. Still, each of us will keep on living to fulfill a joyous ideal and this pulls us forwards, in a constant hope that there is a happier future we can create if we try and work on ourselves hard enough.
Joy and laughter come through our heart chakra and symbolisms of the Moon and the sign of Cancer. The first thing we must understand here is that Cancer is a home behind closed doors, behind the shell built for the outer world, and to let someone into this safe space requires bravery and an open heart. When we are ready to share the love and let go to the flow, we will open the door and observe (exaltation of Jupiter) what the world has to offer. However, since Cancer is the sign where Mars falls and Saturn is in detriment, our unconscious world expresses itself through other people and relationships carrying triggers, patterns and fears our way. Someone might intrude, break the lock, come into our home to be aggressive (Mars in Cancer). Someone else will come to live in our heart to feed off love while remaining distant and in pain over their own issues (Saturn in Cancer).
When there is too much darkness in the past that we never brought light to, the pressure rises over time and those we let into our home and our safe space may hurt us, reminding us of unhealed parts of ourselves that we still need to mend. When we have a natal position that puts Mars or Saturn into Cancer, or in a challenging aspect with the Moon, by position or disposition, it shows that we already “got used” to some form of aggression or distance in our closest relationships in our family and our primal home. Prior to learning which atmosphere we wish to get out of, we will repeat similar behavior and attract partners that do exactly the same thing those we trusted the most did in the past. It is nearly impossible to change perspective until we actually SEE what we no longer have to participate in, as we take full responsibility (detriment of Saturn) for our own choices and boundaries.
This joyous soft spot we carry within requires a core of ultimate trust in order to keep going after our heart gets broken by people who inform us about things we didn’t heal. When we look at our inner world in such a way, it becomes easier to focus on ourselves and our own growth, even when emotional pain comes with such intensity that we would gladly run off and forget something ever happened (when Jupiter has its own set of problems). Although some distance could provide us with a new perspective and insights to help us deal with the situation, it is a trick not to get lost in negative beliefs that things within us cannot be resolved, that they depend on someone else, as this keeps us tied to cycles of wounding matters.
The Task of Venus
This is exactly where Venus kicks in, with information about issues we need to “suffer through”, endure, and flexibly accept as a part of our reality. When Venus is in challenging aspects, and especially when it is in Virgo, Aries, Scorpio (or Capricorn), it is bound to sacrifice itself through relationships that are in some way hurtful. Venus is the ultimate form of adaptation to the outer world, our flexibility to accept others with all their limitations, flaws, and aggressive ways. In our primal family it helps us remain loving and relaxed even though someone is mistreating us or acting incoherent with our emotional needs. It is our power to turn things upside down and continue loving someone in spite of their problems, devaluing our inner child as it carries no power to bring light and joy through love, laughter, and play, to those around us.
The Moon speaks of our ability to remain in tune with current emotions, connect in intimate bonds, our fear to be open for spontaneous contact and laughter, as well as our drive to regenerate and grow after heartbreak. On the other hand Venus speaks about the value of all these things, the value of beauty, love and nurturing physical choices of those around us. Its challenge reflects in our romantic world through repetition of a devaluing pattern or routine, where our love isn’t “returned”, where we must accept that someone isn’t willing or ready to connect, limiting the level of actual physical tenderness or openness for a relationship on a day-to-day basis.
Venus is generally beneficial and its tendency to sacrifice may be extremely productive for long-term relationships, as it allows us to build tolerance for other people’s flaws and give value to positive aspects of their personality with patience (Saturn exalted in Libra). Still, there is a fine line of sacrifice we often cross, where we aren’t merely tolerant of others, but also dismissive of our own system of value and our personal emotional needs. Someone’s flaws shouldn’t rob us of our happiness and our ability to enjoy the physical world we live in, nor should they make us feel invisible, unimportant, or less beautiful and lovable than we truly are.
Venus Exalted in Pisces
With all of the above in mind, the most important piece of information to give us direction and lead us towards the end of processes and patterns that tie us down, we are to understand the essence of Venus exalted in a sign of Jupiter’s and Neptune’s rule. Although it is typically linked with an ideal of love, we must bring this concept down to a practical plane, where we are capable of accepting that the value of our talents and laughter isn’t tied to a distant ideal. They are ever-present parts of our life, often tossed below the pile of stale beliefs that need to change one way or the other.
Is it truly an unreachable ideal to find someone to share laughter with every day? Is it unreachable to value joyous contacts and create a relationship with a lover who shares similar values? If we set joy to be our priority, is it unreachable to find someone doing exactly the same among 8 billion people in the world? Even though connections fluctuate over time and people outgrow each other or develop in different directions, isn’t the one pure direction that we should all hold on to the direction of spontaneity and joy?
The sign of Pisces stands for all dependencies, toxic substances and emotional ties to the past. It is also a place where we cry from laughter, cry in general, flow with emotion and have ultimate faith in unconditional love. All toxic substances that bring an immediate relief to those addicted have similar qualities - to numb the pain, release the tension, bring relaxation, laughter, and ease. What if ease itself was our primary goal as we try to be tender with our bodies, avoid toxic choices, and build our worlds around it without guilt, shame, or lack of faith that it IS in fact possible to feel good in this life? Delusion isn’t the answer, we all know this, but why should we think that it is delusional to prioritize happiness behind our closed doors?
Awareness With an Open Heart
The whole concept comes down, as always, to unconditional love and love for Self. Still, in a practical sense, we can keep ourselves aware as we create new contacts. When the heart opens for someone new, do they bring joy to the table? If they do, do they give value to joy and continue to move towards it? Do they hesitate, or do we? Connections with others are meant to heal and they can do so in healthy ways. We don’t have to be reminded only of our wounds and deal with them repeatedly, creating new ones every step of the way. Pain is inevitable, but is there more good than bad? More joy than sorrow? Are we growing or drowning with someone we love by our sides? And are we aware that this is our own choice now that we are all grown up?
Even though we cannot trust another person to be completely loyal and dedicated to our relationship over time, or perhaps we cannot trust ourselves to last in one sole loving bond, we can keep the focus on loving, fun emotions and moments shared that make us feel beautiful and happy. When we are open to sharing our love, the world becomes more supportive than we ever thought it would be, and the balance of love given and love received keeps the wheel spinning, helping us grow. There is something unconditional in every core of pure intimate contact, and there is no reason to pile things up on top of it while constantly dealing with fear, rejection or pain. The love we feel is enough on its own, if we become fully aware that the love we give to another is our reflective way to love our own Self. Just the same, love for Self helps us remain open and show our true colors to those that care about us. Boundaries are necessary to keep us from harm and we must all love ourselves enough to walk away from hurtful patterns, but the real balance is within each of us. There is no reason to close our hearts for contact with another human being when it serves to heal our wounds and support our growth.